I'd play a song that will never ever end...

kemaren adl 40 hr mninggalnya bokap gw
misa sih udah diadain hr jumat, krn pastornya sabtu ga bs
trus hari ini gw ke kuburan... di jonggol... ke-4 kalinya gw kesana... n teteeep aja cape T_T
jauh bgt...>_<
kmrn mlm gw chat ma tmn gw...
topik chatnya rada berat hehe3... we talked about God n religion
bukan topik favorit gw, tapi temen gw dgn hebatnya bikin gw nyaman utk discuss about it
bnyk hal yg didiskusiin sih
tp slh satunya, yg berkaitan ma mninggalnya bokap gw
sering kan, org bilang, Tuhan ngga akan kasih cobaan lebi dari yg lo bisa atasi
gw dulu sblm bokap mninggal mikir, apa iya ya? if one day I lose the ones I love, will I be able to handle it?
takutnya yg ada gw malah marah sama Tuhan or sumthin like that
dan anehnya, stlh bokap mninggal, gw jd bener2 percaya kata2 itu
coz mnurut gw, tanpa bantuan-Nya, ga mungkin gw bisa bertahan
it hurts so much u know
n skr, coz I have once experience my greatest fear, hopefully I can be a tougher person
ga smua ttg Tuhan bisa gw mngerti
but I'm happy to learn it bit by bit

talking bout my father, I miss him so much
I'm always a daddy's girl
banyak bgt hal yg kita cocok... kamera, komputer, dll
blon lagi kata org gw mirip bgt ma dia... aplg stlh gw potong rambut pendek, he3 ^^; kebanyakan anak cewe ga deket ma bokapnya, tp gw deket bgt ma dia, mungkin krn minat kita bnyk sama
ok, ga smua hal gw crita ke dia, but I know he was always there 4 me
sampe skr pun, gw yakin dia msh jagain gw
I always try to be as strong as I can... but sumtimes I just miss him too much
gw ga mau sedih terus, jd gw anggap smua yg pernah tjd sbg kenangan manis aja
but it hurts 2 know those couldn't happen anymore
dia mninggal mndadak bgt... there are so many things I still want to do with him
tp mungkin lebi baik gini ya... dia emang ga pernah mo nyusahin org, pasti dia ga mau kita tlalu lama cemas klo seandainya dia sempet sakit lama

my wishlist of what I want to do with my father... if only I had more time with him
1. nonton java jazz festival 2007, gw yg bayarin
dari java jazz 2006 tu gw ud pengen bgt nonton, tp ga sempet n mahal bgt... gw wkt itu bertekad mo nabung n taon dpn mo nraktir bokap nonton java jazz
2. pergi ke mangga 2, hunting dvd n cd bajakan berdua... hehehe... nyokap n ade gw biasanya ga betah
3. pengen ke lombok skluarga
4. pengen ke bandung lagi, nginep di malya lagi... (ok I know that was expensive... tp angan2 kan boleh aja hehe3)
5. jalan2 di jkt mlm hari, skalian hunting foto
6. pengen ngajakin bokap naek banana boat... hahaha
7. ke oxford sekeluarga (kayak gw punya duit aja)
8. pengen bokap liat gw pake jaket kuning... which is ga mungkin coz gw ga ktrima di ui... jd gw ganti jadi jaket oranye deh, ok juga kok ^^ gpplah, almamater dia ini jg ^^
9. pengen hiking ke mana gitu... wkt kt nginep di malya kita mo hiking tp berhubung nyokap n ade gw ga mo ikut jd ga jadi d
10.pengen ajak bokap nyobain rappelling... hahaha (ide ini baru muncul kemaren)
11.want 2 give him a bday kiss 4 his bday on last July 10, n ask 4 an early bday kiss 4 me

masih banyak sih... pengen bokap liat gw jd dokter, pengen bokap liat gw nikah, pengen bokap liat cucunya... hahaha... kyknya itu sih msh 10 thn lagi ^^;
jadi ngelantur nih ^^; yah hanya angan2 sih... moga2 bisa terwujud dlm mimpi ^^;
btw... here is my fave song... dari dulu udah demen... n now everytime I listen to it, I remember my father

Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father
Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

ok... it's been 40 days, end of the mourning
he will live in my heart as sweet memories, n I believe he's always beside me
I'm gonna be strong n live my life n make him n my mother proud of me